Recovering from something traumatic or tragic is a process. It's a long one, and for me, it's still on going. I still feel like I can still break anytime. I feel that I can still feel the urge and this time, give in to it. I am threading very lightly. From the quicksand that I emerged to, I still feel like half of my body is under me. I couldn't fully pull myself out. But I am trying. I am trying my very best to be the same way that I used to be.
I am reaching out to a few people now. I get to say 'yes' without getting scared of whenever they ask me to go out, to chill or just to eat somewhere near. It's also been a while since I had the urge to cry for no reason while outside. I am trying, and I think I am doing good.
But someone whom I let in to my fragility happened to be someone currently spiraling down to where I was before. I didn't see it. I didn't feel it. I never thought about it.
When his posts started to be visible into my news feed, for a moment, I thought of comforting him since I have been there.. but I also thought that I wasn't in the position yet to comfort someone that's currently experiencing to where I have been before. I know the struggle.. but I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn't be of help anyway, and along the way, I might have to break again and go back to the void that I was before.
I hate that I had to be selfish this way, but it was just so hard. I became emotional over this.
I went out with a friend but it's been bothering me a lot. I had to restrain myself. I am just hoping that someone out there's already reaching out to him.
I'm sorry, I just can't right now..
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