Paranoia, fear and uncertainty isn't leaving me. I know I've been better ever since New Year came but the morbid thoughts are still coming up and always destroying the very little moment I am resting and feeling happy. There's constant battle inside my head that fights between forgetting it all and remembering every problem all at once.
I am torn.
I have problems with reaching out. I hate being a burden to someone. I hate that I am too weak to even consider their help. It's my problems and I want to solve it. I know, people are just waiting for me to ask, but I feel like feeling worst that I have to disrupt their life. They have their own problems and adding my own to theirs isn't right.
This is just all in my head.
That's what I was trying to say. Every day is a little too emotional just whenever I think of the problems that I still don't have any idea how to solve.
My head would just sometimes tell me that it will go away once I am dead. No on would blame me anymore. They would just let it be since I am already dead. They can't curse the dead. Well, at least not in public.
Ugh. Damn it. I don't want to die even if it's the only solution that I can see.
I still have plans. Dreams. I have to be strong. I've been fighting the urge since time immemorial and I hope I can fight longer this time.
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